This Mindful Recovery

Springtime is the season where we are processing anger. It is a time when the body is wanting to leap up after a winter's rest, and for some of us that may come with resistance. The anger is responsible for detoxification, and the alternative mode is harboring anger, guilt, overwhelming emotions and feeling "stuck in a rut". The way out? Is through the feelings, practicing a more mindful life and living a delicate balance to achieve serenity.

In my personal struggle with my weight, as well as in the work I do with others, mindfulness is a key factor in my daily recovery. If I am not mindful, if I take my mind off of my intention to be healthy and happy, to feel better every day - then I go overboard and want to check out. This is in opposition to waking up. Mindfulness is waking up to the moment, to the resistance, to the tension. Moving through it by breathing into sensation in order to become present to what is. Mindfulness can only be practiced in the here and now, and doing so leads to a deeper and more meaningful existence. Imagine yourself making contact with the ground and then try to make contact with the ground. Does the imagining feel less severe and perhaps more effortless?

Mindfulness is a way, an embodiment, a personal resolution to embody. We all do so naturally when you allow yourself to enjoy doing what you are doing, such as riding a horse, eating a meal with friends, listening to a partner, digging in the dirt. The problem comes when we do what we do mindlessly, and forget the importance of making contact with the present moment. Each moment builds on the one before, and the practice of mindfulness invites a state of truth and love to emerge from within, rather than a state of doing, judging, and avoiding being, all which leads to a denial of the inner eco system.

Inside of the body there are the keys to our healing. I am convinced, after 12 years of battling food and weight, that the answer does not lie in the food I eat or how much I weigh. I can fight this all day long, by believing my mind when it tells me how awful I look, or when I think other people are judging me, to believe them. This, my friend, creates a negative thought loop which is not really true. In essence, it is meaningless information on the path to wholeness and to creating freedom from a food and weight obsession. After years of being a psychotic macrobiotic vegan, I wish I could say I know how to fix your body with food (b/c a part of me agrees), but if the mind does not believe the body is healthy as it is, then it will continue to use food to be fixed and break down, fixed and break down, again and again. I have tried this and it never works.

What is mindfulness and how can it help overcome eating disorders, food and weight obsessions, addictions and compulsions?

I taught myself to be mindful with food through one simple platform (and you can too!). It is, however a way, and there are many ways. This one works and I recommend having many philosophies around food that work for you.

• Eat for the next segment of time. What you eat now will give you the juice to thrive for the afternoon, morning, night and not for the rest of your life. You can always eat again, even if that is in one hour or is not a specified meal or snack time. Does this sound overly simplistic? It may, however if you are or have ever struggled with binging or eating compulsively, you may understand that sometimes you eat for a few days in one sitting. This makes no sense, and there are ways to make sense of it, AND I recommend having ideas, patterns, intentions, motivational talks inside of your mind and body that keep you focused on the results you would like to achieve.
  
• Chew well. This does not mean 100x per bite (however, I used to do this and it works!). Chew when you remember, and work to remember to chew as much as possible.
  
• Eat as if in full view of others (thanks, Geneen Roth!!). Or eat as if you are surrounded by your most beloved friends and mentors. Would you stand up eating @ the refrigerator if a client or new friend came over? This works. It may also help you set the table - clear the space around you for a peaceful meal. Prevent you from watching tv or being on the computer while eating. And is practical advice for eating anywhere in the world. I don't want to eat in the car, do you?
  

More to come on mindfulness, for now, be here, not there, it's the only way to become who you really are and embody your potential.

Warmly,
Waller

Going Back Gluten and Dairy Free

Why? Why am I charting my course to wellness? First I will start by saying what I am dealing with that is directly connected with my diet.

For the past year, I have added in dairy, gluten, sugar and many fatty foods in large doses. Before, I was thin and felt awesome. I had great energy to move around, slept like a little baby and looked gorgeous. A part of me became interested in maintaining my inner world while eating whatever whenever. This did not work. Well, it kept me alive. I could be a 2 year old and still survive, but I was miserable. I was not fully being responsible for my life. I paid bills late, my car was disgusting and I started to feel awful about myself.

So I ended up in this place of confusion and turmoil. In order to save my sanity, I had to allow myself to be there. I convinced myself I was ok even though I felt worse than ever inside.

I am tying these symptoms to my diet because my diet changed drastically to accomodate my feeling so bad about myself. The items I added in include: gluten, dairy and sugar. The attitude I added in is: unworthiness and chaos. The behavior is eating as much as I want anytime, which for the most part meant the middle of the night.

I progressively have felt worse every day in the past year and a couple months. I believe recovery is possible, so I would like to share with you what I know works.

My current symptoms:

BLOATED belly

Plantar warts on hands

gassy

diarrhea

mental fog

confusion

depression

cravings

I hear that these are awful, but sometimes I do not recall them when it comes time to eat. What is it going to take to get over this? A lot of self love.

So I am writing a book about my recovery and will share parts of it with you here...

Thanks for listening!

xox

Waller

Recover Your Radiance

I am so excited to be working on a new ebook called Recover Your Radiance: Transform Your Story to Reform the World. Recover Your Radiance is a guidebook along the road of transition where there are no mistakes, but learning curves which offer an invitation to grow beyond our comfort zone by embracing change and moving forward into possibility. My experience of recovering from anorexia, bulimia and severe depression and anxiety which nearly took my life taught me many things about the process of transformation. After years of witnessing myself caught in a story of my own creation, I committed myself to breaking apart the lies I told myself which kept me sick.

Recover Your Radiance will guide you through a proven and workable method of uncovering resistance, discovering your authentic self and recovering your birthright: wealth, happiness and radiant well being.

The book offers processes to balance the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of life which work together to create our authenticity. Socrates said: "The unexamined life is not worth living." And who are you to think that you are less than your potential?

We all walk around with voices inside that hold us back, that try to tear us down, or that build us up to the point of keeping us separate and unaware of the truth of our existence. Hanging out in the place of knowing blocks us from learning, yet not knowing can keep us from taking action that aligns with our values. Recover Your Radiance tears apart what you may not even notice is keeping you stuck by acknowledging the brokenness, the sick and dark parts of ourselves which keep us in hiding until we are forced to let them go.
1. Let Go
2. Define the Breakdown
3. Envision Your Gift
4. Clarify Your Vision
5. Explore the Newness of Life
6. Recover Your Radiance

Within these steps, the book breaks down the parts of ourselves that need to shed in order to open to recieve guidance and connection to our authentic self. Our bodies are constantly seeking expression, our voices need to be heard and our unique and individual process is necessary in the evolution of the greatest good for all. The world is waiting for you to awaken to your radiance. Stay tuned for more ways to wake up to your ability to create radiance.

Meditation for Recovering Your Radiance:
If you notice yourself believing something that you know is not really true, such as:
I am not good enough. I should be more, better. I need help. I cannot take care of myself. I am broken. (any or all of which may lead to a dark place)
Come to sitting comfortably. See the belief and the part of you that gets triggered by the belief. Perhaps it leads you to act in a way that is less than nourishing to your body. Perhaps you make choices that are not in alignment with your values and leave an echo of unworthiness.
Visualize this part of you and invite it to come sitting in front of you. See the negative parts of you and notice how it feels/looks/acts and how you react to it's presence. Ask it to tell you the story of it's pain. Listen with open ears and an open mind. Don't judge, but become fascinated with everything it has to say. As you do so, allow yourself to grow further and further away from this part of you. Acknowledge it's presence by saying: That's interesting, and then what? Let it talk back to you. You may notice an endless story of overwhelming pain and struggle. You may notice that by giving it breathing room, you are cutting off your own source of wellbeing.

There is a never ending story of our own creation that is trying to kill us. There is a choice, to listen to the voices within that tell us who we think we are, or to step out in faith by accessing our authentic self and come together offering value from our heart to the hearts of others. Your life is meant to be a blessing, and there is a calling deep within each of us that is constantly reminding us of who we can be. Let go of the rest, the smoke in the mirror, the stuff that gets caught when you make a mistake, or when you cannot decide who you want to be. And do your best. We cannot think ourselves into right acting, but we can act ourselves into right thinking and the mind is a powerful place to start envisioning ourselves opening up to become powerful creators of radiance inside and out.

Spiritual Activism

"Spiritual Activism refers to actions consciously taken in response to the knowledge that one is responsible for one's own actions, reactions, behaviors, thoughts and decisions. Once one has become aware of the implications of one's choices, one becomes obligated to assess each choice in regard to its impact on the Whole. As a Spiritual Activist, I not only attempt to change my personal life in order to benefit our world; I also work toward sharing with others ways to improve their own lives and to reach out in service. In working toward manifesting our ideal vision, we bring ourselves that much closer to the Divine.
"As Above, So Below." Namaste."

Taken from: http://www.resourcesforspiritualactivism.com/

Each of us is called to be greater than we think we are in order to evolve beyond our limitations. This calling is there waiting for us when we are ready to access the love inside of our hearts. Within this love, there is a still, quiet voice that is constantly seeking expression. Knowing this voice takes courage enough to be still and get to know ourselves apart from ego. Dwelling elsewhere and apart from the heart leads to cutting our own light off from Source and living a lie. It is not true that we are what we think we are. Our thoughts have stories that don't always lead to the place of peace within and all around us. As a spiritual being, our responsibility is to see beyond what appears and to honor the voice of the activist within.

A spiritual activist resides within each and everyone of us. In order live authentically in alignment with our values, it takes a stepping away from the pressures of life, fulfilling our personal needs with Divine guidance, and following the love in our hearts. As we take care of ourselves, we show up for life from a more loving place and create space for others to reside in the place of love where there are no boundaries, but energetically everyone is safe.

It is not spiritual to make yourself available to others because you don't want to be alone or can't take care of yourself so you want to take care of others. This is co-dependency at it's best, an unwillingness to be honest with ourselves, which leads us further away from Source energy.

Are you struggling to take responsiblity in some area of your life? Consider dedicated your healing or recovery for the benefit of all beings. Or for the children of the planet. Or for the children in your life. Allow the children to teach you how to take care of yourself based on how you would be if you wanted to teach them how to live. Bless the situation, or block it out of your mind. A mind placed in the realm of the Divine is aware and awake enough to listen to what you need to heal. Life is a healing journey, and we are constantly going through a process of shedding to open to greater love. Our work is to share from the place of love and to connect with one another as if each visitor is a manifestation of the Divine. As you clear your energy, let go of the story of your struggle, you become free and initiate your role as a spiritual activist.

What is the message of your activism? What do you see the world needs? Your family? Your friends? What have you overcome that you would like to inspire in others?

Maya Self Massage

Maya Abdominal Massage Self Care Techniques
The Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Massage ™ are centered around the ancient Mayan techniques, which reposition organs that have dropped and restricted the flow of blood, lymph, nerve & chi energy. As with any other natural healing, Arvigo Techniques seek to restore the body to its natural balance. This technique is provided for therapeutic self care only and is intended to be used in conjunction with treatments from a professional or certified Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner. Consult www.arvigomassage.com for a list of qualified practitioners.
To Prepare
• Empty your bladder and create a quiet, peaceful environment to relax for 5-10 minutes (just before bedtime is perfect!).
• Wear loose fitting clothing with no zippers or buttons over the abdomen.
• Lie on your back and place a pillow under your head and your knees to soften your abdominal muscles. (If you have uterine prolapse, it may also be helpful to place a pillow under your hips to elevate your pelvis.)
• Breathe deeply and slowly for a few moments until you feel relaxed.
Self Care Massage Techniques
Lower Abdominal
1. Bring both of your hands together with your index fingers side by side and tuck one thumb under the other. Bring all eight fingers close together, slightly bent and relaxed. See diagram. 2. Through your clothing or a sheet, or with oiled fingers, locate where your pubic bones meet in the middle with your index fingers, and place these fingers on the small indent. Inhale and as you exhale, slowly slide off the top of your pubic bones while keeping your fingernails in contact with the bones. Press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space above your pubic bone. See Diagram. (If your uterus is too low, you will feel resistance like the consistency of a water balloon.) 3. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your pubic bone to your navel a total of 3 times. 4. With the same hand position, move your fingertips to one side of your pelvis with the little finger of one hand on the pubic bone and the other little finger on your hip bone. Again bring all eight fingers close together, slightly bent and relaxed. Inhale and as you exhale, slowly slide off the bones and press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space of the pelvic bowl. 5. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward the midline. Repeat this stroke a total of 3 times. 6. Repeat #4 and #5 on the other side of the pelvis. If your uterus is tilted to the left or right, you will feel resistance like the consistency of a water balloon before you get to the midline. 7. Repeat #2 through #6 2 more times, and then repeat #2 and #3 a final time for a total of 30 strokes. 8. Open your hands, reaching as far as possible without lifting your head, and place them flat over the groin where your legs join your pelvis on each side. Stroke softly 4-5 times over your skin and the underlying inguinal lymph nodes toward your abdomen. Continue the same strokes down both inner thighs along the lymph nodes, repeating this stroke 5 times.
Upper Abdominal
1. Apply oil or lotion to your fingertips. Make an “M” (for Maya!) with your hands by facing the palms of your hands toward each other and curling your fingers so that the fingernails of all eight fingers touch. Place your fingertips on the center of your upper abdomen just below the ribcage. Inhale, and as you exhale, press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your rib cage to your navel a total of 3 times. 2. Place your fingertips on one side of your upper abdomen just below the ribcage. Inhale and as you exhale, press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips diagonally toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your rib cage to your navel for a total of 3 times. 3. Repeat # 2 on the other side of the upper abdomen. Then repeat #1, #2, and #3, ending with #1 for a total of 30 strokes.
If you find areas of tenderness, pain or congestion, adapt your pressure so that you can continue to relax. Breathe and continue to massage the area. If pain persists, even with a light touch, stop for now. If you experience pain initially, it should gradually diminish with each self care massage. Simply follow these instructions as best you can. After practicing the self care day for several days, you will become more familiar with the massage and more confident in your touch. If you continue to have difficulty, contact your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner.
After Self Care
• Drink plenty of water to hydrate your body and support the healing process. Thank yourself for taking the time to take care of yourself.
• Honor your experience by paying attention to the changes and responding with what you need. For example, write your feelings in your journal or diary or share them with a trusted friend or therapist.
• Repeat the self care massage everyday except 5 days prior to and during your period or for 30 days, and then reduce to 2-3 times a week for your health.


When To Modify or Avoid Self Care Massage
• 5 days prior to and during your menstrual bleeding, do not deeply massage the uterus, but you may continue doing # 8 over the lymph nodes and the upper abdominal massage. It is okay to very gently and superficially massage over the uterine area prior to and during your period.
• During pregnancy, self care massage can be appropriately adapted for your trimester of pregnancy. Consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner for more information.
• After abdominal surgery, you must wait until the tissue has healed, and your physician has cleared you for normal activity. For example, with Cesarean birth and hysterectomy, 8-10 weeks after surgery is usually recommended.
• If you are taking pain medications or other substances that may mask discomfort and pain, self care massage is contraindicated.
• If you have an intra uterine device (IUD) for birth control, #1-6 are contraindicated.
• If you are under treatment for abdominal or pelvic infection or cancer, self care massage is contraindicated.
• If you experience intense emotional pain during the self care, it is important that you seek professional support to help you pass through the gates of emotional healing. Please consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner for guidance and referral.
• If you experience intense pain or discomfort during the self care massage or have a sudden onset of abdominal pain, please consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner who will recommend that you see your physician before continuing the self care massage.

Sugar Shocked!

Well, 5 years or so off of sugar will make one happy to be alive. No wonder I have been over a decade without taking pills, alcohol or even needing to see the doctor!
Something in me decided to try again, to explore adding in sugar. And bread and milk and cheese. Oh my. Having been full-on gluten free vegan for many years, this was a crash course in what I call: "How not to eat". My mantra right now is: oops, I've done it again. And my affirmation is: I have been here before and I am going to make it. I feel crazy, but my coach reminded me of simple wisdom: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" --Lao Tse, yet it never says in what direction. There is no good or bad food, it all just is. Just as our energy is constantly expanding and contracting, so is life.

I may not be where I would like my body to be, but I am ok with it. I heard recently someone referring to a glitch in American culture is that we "ain't ever satisfied". Seriously, in Los Angeles, you don't see many people staying at home, they're all in their car trying to get someone, to improve themselves, to be better, richer, fitter and ultimately, more human. A part of our condition is to want to improve upon who we are, what we know, how we live. Isn't knowledge key to our development? A former client, who is a chiropractor in New York sent out a newsletter this month with a definition of radiant health being resilientcy and pro-active self development. This resonates fully with me where I am now.

I may be making mistakes, but I am taking my life back from a limited viewpoint. I may have put on more weight than I am comfortable with, but I keep coming back to my yoga mat and accepting myself where I am now. I may have cravings for sugar, and really to be bad. But I am making a commitment to have limits with myself. There are many reasons that I want to take care of myself, but most importantly is because I want to learn and experience life to the best of my ability and I function better when I eat well.I am about to begin the final section of my bachelor's degree in psychology. I have a few months left before I finish my coaching training and I am 1/3 way complete with a yoga teacher training. I want the energy and focus that I know is available to me when I prioritize my self care.

I know that as I take care of myself, that I inspire others to do the same. I asked a new friend who is in treatment with anorexia yesterday, who would you be if you were not concerned about your body and food all of the time? This inspired me to answer it in my own life. Recovery is not about finding what is wrong about ourselves, but going inwards to discover the fruits of our remarkable resolve lies deep within our heart. Our heart is a part of a global heart, and by resting peacefully within, we offer a blessing to the planet. Recovery is about living in the middle, connecting with our values and living from a place of serenity. Like I said before, I will do what will not have to be undone. There are so many ways to say: Take care of yourself today for a better tomorrow.

Here are some commitments I am making to my life and to my recovery, for the benefit of past, present and future friends, family and clients:

I will do what won't be undone, and that starts with how I treat my body.
I will eat as if in full view of others.
No matter what, I will not eat sugar. You will be the first to hear about it when I want to, and I will trust that nothing is bad enough to face and everything is better when I am free from mental and physical angst that sugar induces.
I will do my best to take care of my needs better each day.

I wish you a peaceful heart, strength and courage and resiliency, for the wisdom to start where you are loving yourself as never before.

Shanti,
Waller

Lovingkindness Meditation

Faith is sometimes not enough. We can fake it until we make it, but sometimes we just need to feel like we are not alone, but also that we are not suffering beyond belief. The simple action of prayer can help to shift the committee going on in our head, but sometimes this is not enough. There are many more tools at your disposal here,but for the time-being, what can you do to feel connected to all that is, o dial in to the reservoir of healing that is available to each and every one of us, and is our natural birthright? Have you ever felt disconnected, and then been touched by grace in the form of an angel or a miracle? Your life can be filled with these things, when you are oriented to the healing power you have within yourself.

This simple meditation can shift your inner world to being more in line with the openness and receptivity of your heart's calling. Lovingkindness generates the sensation of loving ourselves while loving others, so that we may become kind, compassionate, gentle, patient and receptive.

Lovingkindness, or metta meditation, as it is called in Buddhist practices:

1. Start by coming to a comfortable seating position, or lying down, find your breath, and allow your breath to be natural, even and relaxed. Drop inside.
2. Think of someone whose love has touched you profoundly, or that you love unconditionally. Allow the experience of this love to come over you, and rest in the sensation in your heart center.
3. Say the blessings below to yourself, inserting their name in replacement of the "I.

• May I be free from inner and outer harm and danger. May I be safe and protected.
• May I be free of mental suffering or distress.
  May I be happy.
• May I be free of physical pain and suffering.
  May I be healthy and strong.
• May I be able to live in this world happily,
  peacefully, joyfully, with ease.

4. Move to yourself. Connect with the sensation of loving kindness in your heart center, and say the blessings above (or in your own words).

5. Move to friends and family. Bless specific people, or friends and family as a whole.

6. Expand your blessings to include your city or town.

7. Expand to include your state, country, the world.

8. Notice the impact of connecting yourself to the resevoir of love has on your energy.

I like to practice lovingkindness meditation first thing in the morning, before getting out of bed. I find that it impacts the quality of my thoughts and energy throughout the day, as well as opens me up to being available to live a more prayerful life and maintain a holy state of being.

Be in Peace,

Waller

The Struggle is the Blessing

In reaching out, I find there is always a friend. It is in reaching in, that we can scare ourselves away from the light that is always available to us. Where are you reaching? What are you looking for when you go within? If there are parts of you that are unhealed–and if you are human there most certainly are–then there may be an urge from within to pick apart the parts of you that need light.

This post was inspired by a blog I have found by a woman who works with eating disorders: Crystal Heiderich
She writes letters to herself to shed light upon the gifts in the parts of herself that may have found unhealthy outlets, and in so doing discovers her gift.

Here is my gift to my body today, which is in need of some deep healing and restoration.

Dear Body,
I hear you. I hear you are tired. I hear you want me to love you and to be gentle with you. I hear you want to have fun, to enjoy life, to connect with friends, to be in nature, to practice and teach yoga and to find balance. I hear you want to find a place to live that satisfies your soul and a healthy community. I hear you have been afraid of growing up, and instead you have used food to hold you back.
I hear what you want is to be in the joy of life, to relax and trust, to work at what you love, to love being in your body, to be in the moment and to move forward into life from this moment on with your head up and feeling supported.
I give you permission to come out and play. I give you permission to follow your heart–to inspire others to enjoy being in the body and in the process reconnect with the love inside of you.
I promise to be gentle with you from this moment on. I promise to ask you before I feed you what you need and to take deep breaths as I move through the day. I promise to check in with your feelings and to not move you too far out of your comfort zone. I promise to allow you to play on a daily basis, to laugh and sing and dance and spend time in nature and with friends. I promise to allow your energy to be used as you teach what you love and live free for all and for good. I promise to speak about what I want to bring about and keep your conversations in a positive and inspired light.
images-3
I love you and others love you and you are precious to the world. The world is waiting for you to come out and shine. I am here and so are your friends and family to receive the positive messages stored deep within your soul. Let it out. Let your self shine. Be yourself, in all of your splendor and radiance.

Here is a daily prayer that I am using these days to remind me of truth:
July__, 2009
The day when God’s grace awakens your heart and touches your Soul.
I will live my life with gratitude and faith in trust that I am being guided and supported in being happy and healthy. I am safe to express myself and to be me.
I forgive myself and all others for all mistakes. I release all stress and struggle or temptations to feel incomplete. I am whole, perfect and complete.
I surrender to a more effortless life and move forward on solid ground to creating a deeply satisfying, nourishing and abundant life. Thanks be to God! And so it is.

Namaste,
Waller

Calm Your Sweet Side

Fall is the time of year when the sweet taste is in season. You may notice yourself craving more sweets, and also be aware of the foods that are starting to be in season are round, sweet foods (ie apples, onions, squashes)
It is important to keep yourself fed with the sweet taste, so that you are satisfied and not at risk to eat the gallon of ice cream or box of cookies. The tips below are certain to heal your body and calm your mind to continue living a sweet life.

5 Steps for Beating Sugar Cravings:

1. Eat Whole Grains and sweet vegetables.
2. Chew Well
3. Give up restricting yourself and pick up enjoying life.
4. Try natural sweeteners (see below)
5. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself. Spend time with sweet people.

Natural Sweeteners

Maple syrup is an excellent substitute for sugar. It is high in trace minerals like zinc and manganese, which can assist in heart health and in balancing cholesterol levels. The light “Grade A” or “Number 1 can contain formaldehyde runoff from the first extraction of the syrup under certain processing conditions. All the other grades are safe, but Grade C (the darkest amber syrup) is the best.

Honey is another item that’s often presented as a healthy alternative to refined sugar, but it is sometimes controversial. People who react to sugar as a “brain allergy” (especially common in children, for whom it can trigger ADD/ADHD symptoms) may react to honey the same way. It is high glycemic, and hits the body as a hard sweet. Raw, unpasteurized honey is rich in elements which can help with wound healing, kill bacteria, soothe sore throats and digestive upset, and decrease local allergy symptoms. Honey is also sweeter than sugar by volume, so you need less in baking or cooking.

Agave is a sweetener extracted from a South American cactus, and traditionally used to make tequila. Often called “honey water,” the agave nectar or agave syrup is light, both in taste and colour. It is runnier than honey and tastes much milder, but is in fact sweeter so even less is required in cooking. Agave is extraordinarily low glycemic – it has almost no impact on blood sugar, making it an ideal sweetener for diabetics and those who are sensitive to sugars.

Blackstrap molasses is a sweetener that is actually good for you. Unlike refined white sugar and corn syrup, which are stripped of virtually all nutrients except simple carbohydrates, or artificial sweeteners like saccharine or aspartame, which not only provide no useful nutrients but have been shown to cause health problems in sensitive individuals, blackstrap molasses is a healthful sweetener that contains significant amounts of a variety of minerals that promote your health.

Brown rice syrup is a liquid sweetener with the consistency of honey. It can be substituted for honey in baking. It has a unique caramel-like flavor that can be used to enhance a recipe, but it will disappear if used sparingly in a recipe. Brown rice syrup metabolizes slowly but does have calories and carbohydrates. Diabetics and low-carb dieters should use it with caution. Brown rice syrup is considered to be one of the healthiest sweeteners in the natural food industry, since it is produced from a whole food source and is made up of the simple sugars.

Foods to emphasize:

• Whole Grains
• Beans
• Miso
• Sweet Vegetables: Carrots, onions, winter squash, cabbage
• Brown rice mochi

Snack Ideas

• Dates stuffed with almond or walnut
• Apple with nut butter
• Rice cake with agave, jam or brown rice syrup
• Tea with molasses
• Carrots with hummus
• Handful of almonds, walnuts, pumpkin seeds

Recipes for Radiance


Azuki-Squash-Kombu
Makes 4 servings

Soaking time: 8 hours or over night
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 2 + hours

Ingredients:

1 cup azuki beans, washed, and soaked in 2 cups water

1 cup hard winter squash (such as butternut, buttercup or kabocha), cut in large cubes

1-inch square piece of kombu

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

water

parsley, chopped, for garnish

•Place the kombu on the bottom of a heavy pot.
•Add the soaked beans with soaking water and, if necessary add enough water to just cover the beans.
•Bring to a boil over a medium flame. When it comes to boil, cover the pot, reduce the flame to low, and simmer for 1 hour.
•Add a little water occasionally, as needed, to keep the beans just covered. Do not add too much water, as the less water there is the more rich the flavor of the beans will be.
•After 1 hour, place the squash on top of the azukis, re-cover the pot and continue simmering 1 hour more. The beans and squash should both be very tender at this point.
•Add the salt by sprinkling over the top of the beans and squash. Stir salt in a little, very gently so as not to break up the squash piece, and cook 15 minutes more, uncovered to reduce the liquid. If there is still a lot of water after 15 minutes you can continue simmering uncovered as long as you like, just keep the flame very low and check regularly to make sure it does not scorch.
•Serve hot garnished with parsley.

Leftovers will keep refrigerated up to 3 days.

Relax into your Radiance

Step into the here and now. Every ounce of you is welcome here, especially the uncomfortable parts of you. If you are struggling with your weight, fighting an eating disorder or an addiction, stressed out by your work or relationship, it may seem like a chore to relax these days. I don’t blame you for not wanting to sit still, because the discomfort may seem so overwhelming that the idea of relaxing is not even in sight or on your mind. I can relate to this, indeed and experience a similiar sensation when I make an appointment to go have a massage when I really need it, and then the time comes and I am alright and at ease.

Relaxation is the key to optimal wellbeing. It is vital to spend your day in a state of relaxation for your body to heal, grow, develop, process, detoxify and regulate itself from the inside out. If you are not relaxing enough, you may be stressed out and feel like you are out of control. You may have more issues than you feel like you deserve, and at the same time be unable to shake off things that are bothering you. If any of this soudns familiar, I invite you to be with me here now and relax as you are, and take some of what you are learning here into your daily life.

Do you agree with me that you need to breathe in order to live? And that one breath leads to the next breath, and on and on, but that the deeper you breathe, the easier it is to relax? So, focusing on your breath is an exclellent way to relax in the here and now. The breath can guide you out of your mind, or stress and drop you down into a state of being.

Here is a breathing exercise to calm anxiety.

Four-Seven-Eight Breath

Best done sitting but can be done standing or lying down.

1. Sit with your back straight and your hands resting comfortably in your lap or on your thighs.

Look straight ahead, yet try not to fix your gaze on anything in particular. Slightly closing your eyes helps.

Try to focus internally on your breathing.

All inhalations are done through your NOSE; all exhalations through your MOUTH.

Throughout the exercises keep the tip of your tongue in contact with the top of your mouth, just behind your top teeth.

2. Commence inhaling slowly, smoothly and deeply to a mental count of 4 seconds. Fill your lower lungs first (by pushing out your abdomen), then your middle and upper lungs.

Hold your breath for a mental count of 7 seconds.

Slowly and smoothly exhale for a mental count of 8 seconds.

As you exhale, try to let go of all your anxiety, tension & stress.

That’s one round. Pause briefly without inhaling then start another round. This natural pauseis very therapeutic and relaxing.

Do 10-12 rounds to begin. Build up to 25-30 rounds several times a day AND whenever you feel anxious or nervous, etc.

Summary: Inhale for 4 seconds – Hold for 7 seconds – Exhale for 8 seconds – Pause briefly – Repeat.

Benefits

* Calms your mind
* Tones your nervous system
* Regulates your breathing
* Balances your emotions

Tips

* Can be done anywhere – on a bus, in a line, at work, before a test
* If you lose your breath, stop, breathe freely then try again
* With practice your pauses between rounds will naturally get longer
* Soothing music or ear plugs can help reduce external distractions

Why Weight?

I was reminded this week that I had not been meditating. For me, that is usually not such a big deal, since I was committed to meditation for 4 years or so every day, sometimes twice. But in the past 5 months, I have not meditated one time. At the same time, my life took off in every direction possible. I attempted to move to Santa Fe, Vancouver, considered Hawaii and should be in New York today if my mind was in control. Unfortunately, my mind has been a bit out of control and I have done a very unique dance around what is.

Indeed what has shown up since I set aside meditation is a bit of chaos, but I am grateful for the truths that have been revealed to me and look forward to the opportunity to sit through this next segment of life and digest what I have learned to assimilate the damage. It is only by allowing the pain to be there, the darkness, the stuff that is truly frightening that we are able to grow up and transform. After years of struggling with anorexia and bulimia, I have given up the struggle. In the process, I have had to sit through more shame and guilt than I ever though possible, only to watch it pass by, as if I am a bystander and it is a circus that comes to town, and then goes. I learn that by allowing the show to go on, acknowledging its presence, that it has less of a pull on me.

Here is how it goes.
I made a mistake. (Eating Disorder: I ate too much food) I get over it. I see someone who reminds me that perhaps I am too large for my skin. I question reality. Who's judging really? I acknowledge that this is not my story, that this is a limiting perspective that once I used to keep me safe, but that it is not true any longer.

How true is it really that you are fat or that you need to lose weight?
Wouldn't it feel better to love yourself as you are and to take right now to relax just a bit, allowing all the energy inside of you to assimilate and let go of thinking there is something wrong with you?

There is something wrong with society, in case you haven't gotten the memo.

There is something wrong with mothers putting their daughters on diets, or keenly picking apart their daughter's bodies or mirroring to them that they need to be hyper aware of their size in order to be loved. There is something wrong with models being a size zero, letting our youth know to never grow up and become a woman with curves.

If you have a voice within that is telling you there is something wrong with you, turn it around. Shake it out of you and into where it belongs. Whomever told you there was anything wrong with who or what you are, get really mad at them (not with them, but perhaps have a conversation in your head with them, or beat the hell out of the bed). There is something wrong with someone telling you how to live your life.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

By letting go of who we think we should be, we are able to become who we are really. Recovery is not about being perfect, nor is life about always knowing what to do, who we are, or where to go. Sometimes, just sitting and being quit is what we need. Sometimes we need to take mroe action. But for the most part, recovery is a dance individual to each of us. If you are struggling, reach out, for the struggle is the blessing and by asking for help, we are able to transform our perhaps limiting perspective and onto the light. Make sure you have people in your life who don't mind you being real, having faults, and who are not constantly trying to fix you. The people who shame you are the ones who don't matter for your recovery. Be the blessing that you are by putting the secrets of your shame out there to people who can love you up until you love yourself.

You are precious. Don't wait to live life. Until you love yourself, relax and reach out to those who see you and who don't mind sharing their experience of life with you. Keep your face to the sun, to the light, and acknowledge the shadows in order to awaken to your radiance.

Gluten Free and Happy to Be

Have you seen Peter Tremayne's new book, ‘The Essential Gluten Free Guide?' I've read the whole thing and there's some great information in there about how to live an enjoyable life without gluten or wheat. I highly recommend it - it's very honest and straightforward and contains some really interesting ideas I’ve not come across before. Here’s the website where you can get more information and download the book

Here is a post from my other blog, which I am officially moving over to this site.

You may be reading this because you have gone gluten free due to a health condition, or a current trend in dietary theory led you to discovering the impact that going gluten free can have on your life. Any information you are reading here comes from personal experience, along with research I have done on gluten free living. I suffered with ill health for many years, and was in a healing crisis when I was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy. Besides that, I could not hold on to weight, my blood sugar was all over the place, I had severe anxiety followed by depression and finally had a series of seizures. All of this and I still did not get it, neither did doctors. I was told “anorexic”, after having no problem consuming as much food as possible. I spent an exorbitant amount of time and energy on trying to find foods that agreed with me, and I settled on soy and a grain based diet, only to discover I was allergic to soy, and many of the foods I was eating. No wonder for the strange health conditions which seemed to be popping up all over the place!

Then I ran into an ex-boyfriend, who, when we were together, liked his beer and hangovers, while I was a bulimic in action. Together, we suffered silently separately, but came together and thrived on the possibility of not having to be alone and miserable. He had been diagnosed celiac, and told me about his recovery process. At the time, I was severely underweight, and still trying to figure out the food. And then…I cut out gluten. My symptoms went away, my weight normalized, and I found a way of eating that worked for me.

Here is how I went gluten free.

1. I cut out gluten.
2. I felt better.
3. I felt much better.
4. I learned to cook without gluten.
5. I felt free around food, less moody and compulsive, grounded with a flow in my spine.
6. I continue to feel better following a gluten free lifestyle, which does not include restricting the delicious options available.

The rest is history. Every day, I create, convert and customize recipes that fit in with the gluten free living. Some work, some need work, but there is always room for more gluten free options in the world. I am currently offering a Chi Bar–a gluten free, dairy free, soy free, sugar free energy bar that is spreading like wildfire. If you want to learn more, or order one or a dozen, email me @ waller@createradiance.com

Stay tuned for my new website, coming out in the next week, which will offer gluten free guides, guidance, recipes, relaxation techniques–a sort of healing reservoir for recovering your health from an addiction, stress condition, or life in general.

With love,
Waller

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Splitting Up and Letting Go

My story has involved food for a really long time. It has been me and food, me and the latest fitness trend. Me and cooking for me and sleeping with me and food and waking with me and shame and severe embarrassment based on what I ate while I should have been sleeping and how I am never going to get out of this nightmare please help me Jesus! Wooha! I can't breathe, can you?

Lately, it's been a bit insane. So, I set out on an adventure in intuitive eating, and it's been a bit of a mad house. I used to wonder why I wanted to kill myself and so used food to act out a really tragic love story between a really cool girl and the love of her life: food. I used to think the tragedy was over once I gave up being bulimic a few years ago. If you have ever transcended the urge to vomit after you eat, I know how hard it can be, but rewarding at the same time. I went years binging and not purging, having absolutely no desire to do so, as if it left me altogether, so if you are reading this and still struggling, I promise you that there is a solution. I don't have it for you, but I am more than happy to share my experience with you. You can email me at waller@createradiance.com.

So no more vomiting. No more restriction. What's left? Is this monstrous appetite that seems to be growing more and more each day. As I do so, I acknowledge the areas that are lacking: no intimacy. Mmm. Food tastes even better. No sex. Not in many years. Don't tell. The food tastes really good.

I am working on a cookbook to exhibit my love affair with food. At least perhaps it will help to put this segment of life behind me. I hope so! Stay tuned for the release of Recipes for Radiance due to be out by the end of the year. It's going to be really juicy, filled with inspiration and guidance on how to cook to balance your energy, mood and life.

Truth be told I don't know Much!

Hi, My name is Waller and I am breaking free from being compulsive around food. I see clearly where I want to be--moderately living, free from limitation or fears around food, while moderately eating, and enjoying life. Where I am now: most definitely enjoying life, while overeating. My body is rapidly expanding as I attempt to find the balance between food obsessions/limitations, Truth, and a way of eating that supports my well being.

I know I attracted lies, and information that limited my life for many years. I sought the world over, only to come back around and discover that I really don't know much and I am the only psycho in my bubble with the story of what foods I can and cannot eat and what life I am missing out on in the process of limiting myself. I used to like to travel, then I discovered macrobiotics and could never quite perfect myself for long enough to stay out of the house, and every time I tried, I went back home to the brown rice.

This next segment of life is an attempt to eat whatever I want to when I want to, and enjoy the process of breaking free from food prison. I truly can't believe I am still alive, besides not being vegan any longer, and I see and feel from the bottom of my heart that the best is yet to come!

Day to Create Radiance

I am en route to recording my life for you all to see. Here is my day, the beginning of the rest of my life.

I awake feeling well, healthy and happy. I am learning to love myself no matter what. I am learning that my self-worth does not depend on the size of my body, nor upon how or what I feed myself. Sometimes healing comes through the most unusual route, and I need to feel like I am bad in order to feel uniquely myself. Sometimes being bad is what I need to be me!

I have certain rituals that I stick with no matter what, that help to balance my energy in a positive way. Most every morning, I spend my time from 6 or 7 until 8 am in this way:

1–Awaken to thank God, for friends, family and the ability to breathe and create my day!

2–Tongue Scraping–releases toxins from yesterday and prepares the palate to recieve a whole new day!

3–Splashing face with cold water 20 x–I don’t even wash my face! This is an ancient beauty secret and is divinely refreshing!

4–Drink warm water, take supplements. My current supplement of choice is called Rhodiola, Vitabase Health Supplements “shown to help improve declining work performance, sleep problems, lack of appetite, irritability, headaches, and fatigue which were the result of intense physical or intellectual stress. Other research confirmed improved cognitive function, a stronger immune system, enhanced athletic performance, and reduced stress.”

5–Donna Eden’s Feel Good Energy Routine, taken from

6-The Five Tibetan Rites
7–Put breakfast on the stove…

8–Walk Jake, the 7 year old whippet!

9–Have breakfast, enjoy it, clean up and start my day in a positive way!

This is the day to recover my life from any thoughts that tell me I am not whole, perfect or complete. Just for today, I will live my life in accordance with my values, I will honor my body, I will be gentle with myself, I will love more and live free from the eating disorder, anxiety or depression. Thank you, God!